Journey Into Truth

"The horse is a mirror to your soul. Sometimes you won't like what you see. Sometimes you will."  -Buck Brannaman

A fundamental part of good horsemanship has been stated in a few different ways. This basic rule is that The Horse Is Never Wrong, or It's Never The Horse. It means that blaming the horse is a waste of time. The horse isn't wrong, he is only doing what is natural for him. To communicate with him, you first have to be able to look closely at yourself - your behavior, your thoughts, your attitudes. Secondly, you must posses the ability to be honest with yourself about what you see. And thirdly, you must be willing to change yourself. This, like so many things with the horse, is mirrored accurately in a person's personal life.

First, you have to resist the urge to automatically blame the horse. Easier said than done. How often does something not go your way and you immediately blame the weather, your spouse, your child, the neighbor, the stranger in the car in front of you, etc? For many, blaming others is like second nature. We live in a fast paced, quick-fix, short-term thinking world, and frankly it is simply easier to blame someone or something else. It immediately takes the pressure off of you, and ends the story (for you). The tendency is to attempt to control the people and environment around you, instead of taking accountability for yourself. Often, and depending on whether the people around you let you get away with it, this "works". The thing is, this becomes a habit the more often it happens. And the more often you let it happen, the blinder you become to what is going on. In essence, you end up lying to yourself and others every day to make you feel better about life, and you lose any sense of personal accountability.

The second challenge, should you get past the first one, is to not only shift your awareness to yourself instead of others, but to also be really honest about what is going on. You must dig deep for the truth, beyond your ego, pride and defenses. It takes courage, honesty, and self-compassion to accept when you've been wrong. Many people never get there.

Here's the deal - and why this is so very important - when you're not honest with yourself, you're not only harming yourself in the long run, but you're harming others as well. The blame shifts onto someone else, and you are essentially lying about another person. M. Scott Peck, the famous and bestselling author of People of The Lie, gave an eye-opening explanation of how scapegoating is the result of this kind of behavior. He went so far as to say that the inability or unwillingness to take responsibility for one's own actions is both a symptom of and the cause of all human evil, defining it as "the use of power to destroy the spiritual growth of others for the purpose of defending and preserving the integrity of our own sick selves." Whether deliberate or not, a person puts down another in response to feelings of inadequacy, jealousy, envy, fear of failure or in response to being faced with the truth. When these behaviors are left unchecked, especially over long periods of time, a pattern develops whereby a person considers herself to be beyond reproach, and will lash out if anyone does try to reproach her. These people don't think of themselves this way, but they are quick to blame others. Peck explains that over time they become chronic scapegoaters, and attack others instead of facing their own failures or perceived inadequacies.

This is especially prevalent within group settings, where gossip is common and people feed off of one another. It is all too easy to jump on the bandwagon without doing your homework regarding whether the group is being honest with themselves or not. The resulting snow-ball effect is particularly damaging to the well-being of the scapegoat. In People Of The Lie, Peck goes into a disturbing but fascinating explanation of how this can and does happen within entire societies. Can you see the importance of making personal accountability a habit?

The Scapegoat

There are two sides of the spectrum - on one side there are those who are unwilling or unable to take personal accountability, and on the other extreme side of the spectrum lives those who think everything is their fault. These people generally take on responsibility for their own challenges plus others' challenges, either by being sensitive, overly nurturing, or overly responsible. They may be so used to shouldering the burdens of others that other people's blame and/or made up stories feel sickly normal, and this makes them an easy target as a scapegoat. They are sensitive and/or truth-tellers and they inadvertingly illuminate or trigger the insecurities of others, prompting the scapegoating attack. And sadly, they're left in the confusion between blaming themselves (because they automatically feel accountable), trying to figure out what they did, and feeling attacked, however passive-aggressively it may come (they are sensitive). Peck describes scapegoating as possibly the most hurtful form of emotional abuse, and many never recover from its effects.

The Road Less Traveled

Wherever you fall in the spectrum, it takes real effort to balance the scales. It take a conscious awareness of the things you tell yourself, and a brave honesty to be realistic about them.

In his best-known classic, The Road Less Traveled, M. Scott Peck stresses the importance of making a commitment to truth in our lives, and I agree with him fully. He calls for a dedication to truth for the sake of doing good in the world, and not harm, and stresses that this is a choice we make every day. In The Different Drum, Peck talks about the importance of truth in community building. He says that the most critical step in building cohesive, productive groups of people is the emptying of all false beliefs about one another, and leaving only truth as an essential foundation. That is the stage that is the most painful for the groups he's worked with. The truth is not always pretty (although I believe there are kind and compassionate ways of approaching it), but the truth is something you can deal with and work from. A lie has no where to go, because it is impossible to fix something that doesn't exist.

So what about the Scapegoat? A Scapegoat must take also accountability - for the fact that he allowed himself to be a victim and to rise above the lies that have cast him out. All is not lost because the truth is that the scapegoat, although cast out, is the true winner in this scenario. The word "scapegoat" goes back to biblical times, where we learn that the scapegoat escaped. He has escaped the web of lies and the tyranny of blame.

"There exists a divine alchemy whereby the victim becomes the victor." (Peck) The world's most famous scapegoat demonstrated this when on the third day, He rose. 

So, the lessons here are: Commit yourself to truth, be honest with yourself so you do not inadvertently blame others for your own mistakes or perceived shortcomings. Search for truth in group settings and don't lazily accept what others say as being the truth. And finally, own your personal power such that if you encounter unprovoked efforts to knock you down, you will see the truth of what is really happening and rise above. 

"The Road Less Traveled" is the commitment to Truth for the sake of doing good and not harm. The "battle" is always and only with yourself. Not with the horse, nor with anything or anyone else. Courageously dig deep into your heart and you will find the truth. The horse can help you get there.